Our Mission:
P*ck the Stigma is dedicated to fostering mental health and wellbeing within the ice hockey community. Our mission is to empower and support individuals by promoting open dialogue and providing resources, with the ultimate goal of establishing a mental health and wellbeing champion in every hockey club across the UK.
My Story:
Growing up in a generation where "man up" and "boys don't cry" were common sentiments, I found it incredibly difficult to accept my diagnosis of severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. This was a shock to both me and my family, as I had always been the joker, but also the one inexplicably afraid to go out, feeling like an invisible force was holding me back. Every day, I battle these demons, and lyrics from a song "Voices" by my favourite band Hurts resonate deeply with me: "I can hear them in my head and I, I want to get 'em out, I can hear them in my head getting louder now."
Growing up in a culture where stoicism was valued and vulnerability was often seen as a weakness, admitting to mental health issues was almost unthinkable. The pressure to conform to these ideals made it nearly impossible to reconcile my internal struggles with the external expectations. For years, I hid behind humour and a facade of bravery, even as I wrestled with profound fear and an inexplicable sense of being trapped.
Depression, anxiety, and PTSD became my constant companions, whispering doubts and fears into my mind. The line from Hurts' song "Voices" captures the torment perfectly: "I can hear them in my head and I, I want to get 'em out, I can hear them in my head getting louder now." These words echo the relentless, intrusive thoughts that plagued me, amplifying my struggles.
Despite the outward appearances of a carefree joker, my internal reality was starkly different. I was labeled as lazy and dramatic, and often told to "snap out of it." Such dismissive attitudes only compounded my feelings of isolation and hopelessness. Mental health struggles are not about laziness or a lack of effort; they are real, tangible conditions that require understanding and compassion.
Therapy and medication have been critical in my journey towards managing my mental health, and I am not ashamed to admit that I need them. They do not signify weakness but are tools that help me combat the overwhelming sense of despair. Depression is a persistent state of hopelessness, often misunderstood by those who believe that one needs a reason to feel depressed. In reality, depression itself is the reason.
In 2020, I reached a breaking point. I was preparing to jump into the river Mersey, feeling completely defeated. In a moment of desperation, I called my brother, Guy, in Toronto. I confessed my feelings of failure, and for the first time, I heard my brother cry. His tears and his promise to help me marked a turning point. The thought of my daughter losing her best friend, the bond we share, gave me the strength to step back from the brink. Guy's support and my love for my daughter became my lifelines.
Mental health issues in men are real and often go unaddressed due to societal stigmas. Men can experience domestic abuse, anxiety, and depression, and it is crucial to tackle these issues head-on. We need to put the MEN back into MENtal health, recognising that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Ice hockey has been a significant part of my life since childhood, offering a sense of community and joy. From playing street hockey to being part of the Bracknell Bees youth teams and the Sheffield Steelers family, the rink has always been my sanctuary. Recognising the importance of mental health within this community, I founded "P*ck the Stigma" to break down barriers and encourage conversations about mental health. I want to provide the same support to others that my brother gave me.
If 2020 taught me anything, it is to appreciate what you have and to reach out for help when you need it. My name is Lewis, and I battle demons, but I am not alone in this fight and neither are you.
Join me in saying P*ck the Stigma!
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